How A Salary Messed With My Mind—Two Realizations After a Layoff

21 Dec 2024 #misc

“Wait, I’m not working anymore.”

Being laid off feels weird. Moments of relief followed by a “What am I going to do now?”

Some days after being laid off last January, something weird happened. I didn’t realize I had ingrained this “habit.”

Midway through rushing to my laptop to reply to my Teams messages, I suddenly stopped my short commute from the living room to my working corner.

“Wait a second, I’m not working anymore…I don’t have to reply to messages or emails.” Pheeew!

I shared this realization with my family. We all laughed. But there was something behind it.

Stopping my short breaks to reply to messages had become second nature. I was trapped in a mindset. In the wrong mindset. “I could get into trouble if I don’t respond soon.”

That moment of relief lasted a few days. Anxiety knocked at my door: “Somebody here?” I realized I wasn’t receiving another paycheck. Arrrggg! “What am I going to do now?”

I had to go through my accounting software, an Excel spreadsheet, multiple times to make the anxiety go away. “Rational brain help me out here.” I had an emergency fund to cover my expenses for a few months.

Yes, a monthly salary is one of three most harmful addictions. I had already heard that quote. This time I had to live it.

That was a moment of relief followed by a “What am I going to do now?”